So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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