I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
