I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
