Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I want her autograph on my taint
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
