No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
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i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
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He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize