I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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