Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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