Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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