he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
