1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
