Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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