people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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