I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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