Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
