well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
