I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
