So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
