Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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