when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
