i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
