Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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