We won't sleep together?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
