the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
