i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm getting married
To pizza
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
