we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
