My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize