Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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