1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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