I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
