pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
