My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
pop tarts are not kleenex
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
