Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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