When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
