2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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