dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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