Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
