Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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