best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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