They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
