im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
