dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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