In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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