When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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