I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
