My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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