You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
