so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
