If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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