you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize