you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
