Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
