and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
