just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the condom got lost in my hair
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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