There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And then he peed in my hair
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