ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
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You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
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Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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