who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
