this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
