I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
