I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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