Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
