so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
