New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
