Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
