i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
