I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
