My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You ruined the universe
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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