Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize