she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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