Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How does it feel to date your dad?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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