we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
