Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
