I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
