U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
