i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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