Will you blow on my dice?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
