all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
