when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
