Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
