Swine flu. Run for my life!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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