Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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