There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
